


Please don't be long

by babypml



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phan, dan and phil
Genre: Other, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-11 17:43:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7063027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babypml/pseuds/babypml
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1943 Phil Lester is a cheerful spirited, ebony haired boy who lives with his loving grandmother and grandfather at Epperson Church. His grandparents raised him, because his parents do not accept him yet he is happy. He starts his job as paperboy happily, but as rides his bike down harrison lane he sees something declaring his mindset on an invitation  to hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. starting point

**Author's Note:**

> hello.  
> I hope you enjoy this, I've been told to post it by numerous friends and hope you like it.
> 
> -gab

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil starts his job as paperboy with a brief view of his current home life as a fifteen year old.

Tonight was no different than any other night.   
Grandpa lit out the candles, turned off the lights in the chapel and told me goodnight.  
I did what I usually did, sitting in the front row waiting.. waiting for that door to open.  
waiting for you to come inside and sit by me. I don’t think you're coming over tonight.

 

 

Childhood:

“Haven't you heard the phrase 'don’t, cry over spilt milk?” Grandpa smiled.  
“Aww don’t worry about it, Philip.” Grandma smiled.  
As I violently sobbed, she kneeled down and soaked it up with sponges and a bucket.  
Literal milk.  
My first day living here and I made a mess.  
“no no don’t worry watch this!” my grandpa smiled as he lifted his mug.  
He drenched the carpet with his coffee.  
“See phil? everyone makes messes.” I laughed.

“Harold!” Grandma groaned.  
“You’ll be the one cleaning that up,”she teased.  
Grandpa laughed and nodded.  
“You listen here phil, as long as you live under this roof we promise you that we accept and love you no matter what.”  
I smiled. They meant it.

 

1942, I was 15 years old.  
It was my first day as a paperboy.  
Grandpa walked towards my bike carrying the rolls.

“Each one on the lawns, If you can’t get them on the porches.” he patted my back.  
“Okay thanks grandpa.” I smiled.  
And I was off.

It was 9:30 am.  
The sun was just coming up and I rode my bike as I watched the sky become bluer.  
Each house was unique if i can say, here on penny avenue they were light colored.  
I was pleased with myself as I can gladly say, most of the papers I threw had landed on the porches of these pastel homes.

I loved it. I loved my job.  
I was given a dollar each day and I loved riding my bike.

Neighbors sitting on their porches smiled and waved, and kids played in the front yards.  
I turned the handles going on to the next street.

in white letters on the dark green sign: MORAL LANE

I continued to throw papers, my wrist cracked every here and then.  
I felt my guts churn as I approached the house at the end of the corner.  
A big white beautiful house with black gates and a huge front yard of grass perfectly trimmed, rose bushes and a boy with brown curls,  
asleep on the porch wearing a baby blue shirt and shorts. He was beautiful.

I didn't know what to do.  
The house was pristine, looked delicate.  
I didn't know whether to throw the paper or leave it in the mailbox.

I decided and creaked open the mailbox, looking back at the boy.  
A woman in a maid’s attire, opened the front door.  
“Daniel come inside,” the woman said, kneeling down trying to wake you up.

You sat up sleepily as I quickly shut the mailbox and rode my bike back home.  
You were so damn beautiful.

I felt an aching pain I’ve never felt before.  
I rushed throwing the papers, most of them landed on the lawns because so.  
I rode my bike home, back to church.

My heart was racing. I felt it. I was infatuated with this beautiful boy.  
I dropped my bike on the lawn and opened the door, I ran up to my room and lied on my bed looking up at the ceiling.  
white. purity, something I was not.

I ran downstairs.  
Sat in the chapel and cried, begging god.. begging god for this boy.


	2. Sunday Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil is happy as he sees a special someone start to come to church on Sunday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (triggers: brief abuse and homophobic slurs. sorry)

“Piece of shit!” Another plate thrown at me.  
“You’re not my son, you’re the devil’s child,”  
I cornered myself against the white wall, stepping over the ceramic pieces.  
I was smacked, as mother held my head down and father kicked me.  
“Holy, holy is the lord all mighty god may you forgive this sinful child.” she yelled singing.  
she started yelling gibberish.  
“Mom, stop you're scaring me.” I cried.  
“Shut the fuck up you faggot!” Another kick in the groin.  
“God, we ask you to forgive this child and know he’s not from us but from lucifer, please forgive.” father said hovering over me closing his eyes as  
mother sang. I closed my eyes and forcefully released my arms from dads grip,  
pressing my fingers in my ears crying and humming so i couldn’t hear them.  
“You dare reject our blessing?!” He picked me up and slammed me against the floor.  
I saw a flash of white and opened my eyes.

White from the ceiling of my room.  
I was breathing heavy. I cried.  
It was Sunday.  
I heard tunes being played by the organ, as I looked out my window to see nicely dressed people coming in, one of them was you.

I lied on my bed and sighed.  
You were wearing a black button up and your brown hair was straight sweeping over your forehead.  
You were with a man in a suit, a little girl in a blue dress and a woman in a floral gown and white sweater, I presumed your mother.

I got dressed quickly and went downstairs.  
You sat in the back with your family, Grandma was greeting people at the door as Aunt Madison played the organ.  
Grandpa was shaking hands, smiling as he wore his special brown hat.

I sat down next to Aunt Madison on the bench playing the organ.  
Grandpa had started service.  
Your little sister was squirming on your mothers lap and you were somewhere else.  
You weren't here, your mind was at different destination but where?

You were so beautiful, I hope you know that.  
I gazed at you. your fingers ran against the chair and you crossed your arms.  
you looked at me. I looked away quickly.  
you waved smiling. I felt relief and smiled.

Service began, everyone stood when it was time to open the books and sing, everyone sat down again till service was over, then you had left.  
Next Sunday, please don’t be long.


	3. like a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil is stressed and confused about his sexuality, he is scared knowing he's hell bound according to the bible and that  
> his life is pointless, when he sees a girl with Dan and the thoughts come to him that a boy would never want him and how he will die alone until something happens few nights later almost like a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (warning: sexual content/ brief nsfw)

I had continued my job as paperboy the following Monday.  
I rode by your house as I put the paper in your mailbox but this time you weren't outside.

Each day I had my job as paperboy, I wished you’d be outside on your porch.  
Some days you were, others you weren’t. Although I did see you every Sunday, wearing a new outfit.  
No words were sent as I was too scared to speak.

The first time I saw a girl walk in your home with you I was almost 16.  
It hurt me, but I noticed each week how there would be a new one most of the time,  
but the one day on a Tuesday, few years later when you and I were about 17,  
I rode my bike down Moral Lane, to turn to your house and see a blonde girl in a yellow dress kissing you passionately.  
I quickly threw the paper, turned around and went home.

I told my grandpa I needed a break from being a paperboy. I couldn’t stand to see your face.  
All I could see was my white ceiling reflecting all the things I’ll never be, pure.  
I stayed in my room for a week, All I did was sleep and wake up to grandma bringing me food.

I tried to press away these thoughts and accept that I am what I am.. hell bound.  
Grandma was concerned about me. I can tell she tried to ask me what was wrong and I told her I was sick.  
She kept saying she loved me and hopes I’m happy, which I appreciated but how can the demon in heaven be happy?  
I don’t belong here.

I had woken up, It was night time and the sky was black. few stars were out.  
What I had loved about my room especially was it was at the top of the church, I had glass stained windows making the portrait of a cross with four  
red hearts on each corner. What I loved the most is how well I could see the moon.

It was quite a chill night. you were still on my mind but I did feel better.  
I looked out my window to see the moon full, white, shining and beautiful.  
I can’t explain how it happened to me, but I guess I can say the moon brought you to me.  
“Dan?”  
“Shh.”  
“What are you-“ you pressed your lips against mine. I felt a feeling in my heart I didnt know how to describe, it was like an aching feeling in my chest like the other ones but I enjoyed this one. I shut my eyes and you pushed me down against my bed.  
It all happened so suddenly, you did look at me for consent as I nodded and quickly wrapped my arms around your neck. It was like a dream.  
I yanked off your shirt, pulled it over your head and threw it as you unbuttoned mine. You lied me down and left wet kisses all over my chest where you unbuttoned. I quickly undid the rest and threw it.  
You pressed your lips against me again and sat on top of me. It happened and It was the best night of my life.


	4. the Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a beautiful night, they wake up totally infatuated with each other.

“You’re so beautiful," you whispered softly in my ear, pressing his lips against my cheek, to my other, my forehead and my lips again. you crawled on top of me. I held you so close as you nestled your head on my chest and I just smiled. I rubbed my hands through your hair and kissed you. I still felt that aching feeling that I desired and never felt before, I wondered if you felt the same way too. you’d hold one of my hands up to your face and kiss it, then kiss me again, gently holding my wrist. We had stayed here for hours, I never want to leave this bed.

Those hours felt like years.  
It wasn’t just sex. We talked for hours as you held onto me spreading your hands through my hair as you kissed me every so often.  
You told me about you, I told you about me.  
I felt like I knew the boy I’ve loved, for so long.

I felt like I was floating. I wasn’t too warm, I wasn’t cold. your hands fit mine and you continued to give me the pain in my chest I craved last night.  
I looked down at your head.  
“you’re so damn beautiful, phil.” you smiled sleepily looking up at me, nestling your head in my chest.  
I kissed your head again.

 

It’s too good to be true.  
I sat up quickly and you moaned at the discomfort.  
“get up.” I said sternly.  
“wait what?” I stood.  
“go home,” you stared at me with your big brown eyes, as your pushed your hair away from your face, said nothing then looked down frowning.  
You picked up your clothing, heading for the door then turned around at me.  
“why?” you asked.  
I sighed.  
“why did you come over, dan?”  
“I wanted you.”  
“you don’t want me..” I scoffed.  
“Now go home..” I continued.

“I can’t.” he said looking deep in my eyes.  
“why not?!” I yelled.  
“cause I’m in love with you.” you spat.  
It took me a second.  
“No you are not...” I frowned.  
“I can’t help it,” you gently smiled walking towards me.  
“I’ve always wanted you..” you smiled.

“you’re just so perfect, phil.” you smiled lightly blushing.  
you stood in front of me.  
“everything about you..”  
you reached for my hand and held it.

“your hands..” you smiled looking down at them.  
“your arms.” your hands slid up against my arms.  
“your shoulders.” you kissed my shoulder passionately.  
“your neck..” you left a love mark there.  
“your cheeks.” you kissed my cheeks then my lips.  
I closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes and you looked deep in them.  
"your eyes are also so beautiful.. I hope you know that”  
I blushed.  
“I could go swimming in them.” you smiled. I blushed again. 

“I’ve always wanted you phil..” you smiled, holding onto my hands.  
“and last night I guess was an opportunity to let you' feel 'how much I do.”  
I looked down and smiled.

You looked in my eyes.  
I finally spoke.  
“Go home, .. your family probably is wondering where you are.”  
“So concerned about me,” you teased.  
I just smiled. I hugged you and kissed you once more.

“I’ll be over tonight, my love” you smiled letting go of my hands.  
“I’ll be here waiting.” that was the first time you called me your love.  
As I looked out my window to see you walk out the front door of now the most tainted church, I frowned.  
Please don’t be long.

I’ve never felt happier.  
I buried my face in my pillow and lied down smiling.  
I loved you, dan i loved you so so much.

I told grandpa how I was happy to get back at being a paperboy.  
I started again that day, in utter bliss as I rode my bike down each street of each colorful home.  
I rode my bike down your street and there you were smiling at me. I blew you a kiss, you smiled and blew one back.  
You came over that night as you promised, and the next night and next and next and next for hours at a time.

We lied down together each night as I wrapped my arm around you, kissing you lovingly.  
I started to feel it as time went by, I started to feel your need for me.  
You needed to hold me, you needed to love me and needed me to love you too.

Almost every night, you’d walk through those doors and I waited for you in the chapel.  
Once you walked though those doors, we ran up to my room trying to be quiet not and not wake up my grandparents.  
Once the doors shut to the room at the top of the church, you kissed me and lied on my bed as I lie next to you.


	5. dan deprivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After months of seeing each other every night, Dan stood up phil which makes phil worry and overthink.

Seasons were changing.  
Sundays you started to sit with me at church and you continued to come over each night, after grandma lit out the candles and   
went to bed with grandpa. I was so happy. 

The first night you didn't come over was painful.  
I was cold, confused and anxious. I couldn’t sleep that night.

The next day, I delivered the papers less enthusiastically than others due to sleep deprivation and dan deprivation.  
I threw the papers on the lawns. I didn't care if i made it on the porches anymore.  
I felt my guts churn as I drove down your street and saw you on your porch.   
You smiled at me. I did back, but you knew I was sad.  
You walked towards me and stood at the black gate and gave me a letter.

I hurried my job and went back home. I sat on the porch of the church and opened it.

“ Hello beautiful,

I’m sorry I didn’t come over last night my love, I hope you slept well.   
I didn’t. My father wanted to talk to me and had kept me up where I couldn’t leave. I’m sorry.  
I hope you know I love you dearly and will be coming over tonight if thats okay with you.  
I miss you a lot and can’t wait to be back in your arms again.

All my loving,   
Dan "

 

I smiled, reread it a few times and let the words replay in my head.  
'all my loving, all my loving,  
back in your arms again. I love you dearly.'  
I kept the letter with me. You came over that night as you promised and it was as if you never left.

Each time you didn't come over, I read the first love note you ever gave me.


	6. star theory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a romantic night like usual where dan comes over, this time they leave the church and take a walk through the empty black streets.

“Let’s go out.” You said smiling up at me.  
“It’s one in the morning, love.” I smiled.  
“So, theres no such thing as time we should go,” you smiled at me.  
I pushed your hair away from your forehead.  
“Where?” I asked.  
You sat up on top of me and I moaned exhausted and oh so comfortable.

“Put on your clothes.” you smiled.  
“But where-“ you stopped me with your thumb over my lip.  
“you talk too much.”you teased.  
you put on one of my teeshirts and your hat as I dressed.

You held my hand as we quietly walked down the stairs.  
We had opened the doors and you breathed in the cold air and smiled. you looked over at me and  
you reached out your hand for mine. I looked at you confused.

“Dan, we can’t” I said.  
“No ones up right now, baby,” you said motioning around to the quiet black streets.  
You were right. I fearfully reached for your hand, you were wearing black gloves that covered your palms as i linked my fingers with yours.  
My hands were cold and I shivered. The streets were covered in snow and lights and decorations were put up for christmas.  
And we walked through the parking lot down to Park Street, as we held hands. I loved it.

I looked at you and you smiled swinging our hands in between us.  
We just walked, at times you’d walk closer to me and lean on me.  
I kissed your head and you blushed and laughed.

We walked around the streets surrounding the church twice.  
Once we walked back to the church you lied down in the snow on your back and closed your eyes.  
I looked at you and lied down next to you and kissed you. We looked up and saw black, not a single star was up.

“not a single star, darling.” you pointed out.  
“Maybe they’ve died.” I said.  
You looked at me and rolled your eyes.  
“don’t be a downer.” you teased,  
“I’m speaking realistically love,” I replied.  
“We don’t have to right now, lets just say they didn't show up.”  
“Okay, they didn't show up.” I agreed.

you looked over at me and kissed me again.  
“It’s getting late.” I smiled.  
“but what if we leave when the stars come out?” you whined.  
“I’m cold baby,” I smiled standing up.  
you sighed standing up.  
I picked up a stick and wrote ‘I love dan’ in the snow, you smiled.  
We walked into the chapel, up the stairs and to my room quietly.

You had taken off my shirt you used and your pants.  
you put on my shorts and lied on my bed. I lied next to you and held you.  
you were cold. you closed your eyes and smiled gently.

 

you closed your eyes and we fell asleep.  
you’re my star.


	7. Napkins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> napkins. love. acceptance and phil being happy finding loopholes to make sure dan knows he loves him.

Since I was a child I knew I was going to hell.  
Being 20 now, I know it and have faced it.  
Nights like this when you finally fall asleep on top of me and I stare up at these white walls, I think about the man I love lying on me.  
I look at your brown curls and your peaceful expression as you breathe in and out, I look down at those hands that I hold when I need and you wrap your fingers around and I think about this soul, how dan howell is the most angelic person in the world.

I can’t see him in hell. Maybe its just me misunderstanding the bible or dissecting the concept of a god too much. Does he make exceptions for people like dan? or will he bless me letting us be together after we die somehow? Either way I worried about him burning, I worried about him hurting and couldn’t allow it or the concept or maybe life is what its supposed to be, I found my love, we grow old and die.. and thats it. I hope so. 

I woke up to feel something strange. I looked down at you, you were shaking.  
“Dan? Dan whats wrong?” I asked.  
You looked up at me and started crying, you stood up and ran downstairs carrying your things.  
“Love please tell me whats wrong” I begged.  
You opened the chapel doors and walked out.  
It was black outside.  
“Please, dan..”  
“If I did something wrong please tell me!”  
You turned around at me.  
“I’m never coming back, stay away from me.” you said emotionless.  
I stood not saying a word.  
My eyes started to water.  
“I’m really sorry,” I cried.  
You stood looking at me.  
“Run, I’ve done too much harm I’m really sorry you don’t deserve this.” I said nodding.  
You disappeared into the blackness. I turned around and lied down on the snow.  
I felt my guts churn as I saw the beast hover over me.  
“this is the second death.” It smiled, I closed my eyes in fear.   
I fell. 

I hit my head and quickly opened my eyes.  
“oh my, baby are you okay?”  
I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands, It was my baby.  
I opened my eyes and you looked down at me.  
“I’m fine.” I smiled.  
“You’re such a clumsy fool.” you teased.  
I smiled relieved yet pained. 

“Its morning?” I asked.  
“Yeah, I guess this is the second day we woke up by each other.” you blushed.  
I sighed and groaned in relief , It was just a dream. I tackled you and smothered you with kisses, you laughed and I held on to you tightly.  
“you’re so playful.” you smiled laughing.  
“shh just hold me.” I said my heart pounding. I never told him about my nightmare.  
You smiled and I felt better. I hope you had much peaceful rest than I did that night.

After I showered and you got dressed, I asked you to breakfast.  
You nodded and smiled, you loved going places with me.  
It was the first time we went out to breakfast together.

It was sunny as I could see through the windows in my room.  
I put on my white button up shirt and you borrowed my pastel blue and white striped shirt.  
We got dressed and I was excited. It looked like a beautiful day to spend with you.

We walked downstairs, It was quite early it was 9am.  
“Do you think they’re awake?” you asked.  
“No probably not.” I said as we went downstairs.  
We made our way downstairs, through the chapel doors and to see grandfather outside putting letters on the sign.

I looked back at you and you had a scared expression.  
“Dont worry,” I whispered.  
I reached for your hand and pulled you to me.  
He saw us and looked confused.

“Oh hey phil.” grandfather said.  
“good morning, grandpa.” I smiled.  
“who’s your friend?” He asked, dropping the letters on the grass.  
“Oh, this is dan.” I said fearfully.  
Dan smiled politely.  
“Oh well its nice you meet you dan, don’t be a stranger” he laughed.  
" I bet you’re the guy making him smile the way he has been!” He teased continuing.  
I smiled relieved to look back at my baby blushing.  
“In fact he is-“ I stopped and looked at you. you looked scared.  
"he is my boyfriend, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” It took grandpa a second but he smiled.  
“It’s fine don’t worry, well dan, me and my wife would love to have lunch with you sometime.” He said shaking his hand.  
Dan smiled nodding, “I’d love to.” you said looking back at me.  
“You guys go where you’re going don’t let me stop ya,” grandfather laughed.

I nodded.  
“I’ll be back later.” I smiled.  
We walked off and you waved back at him.  
“That went good.” you said.  
“I know, I’m happy.”  
You just smiled. We walked to Jackie’s diner and I bought you a sandwich and a milkshake.  
You got ketchup on my shirt you borrowed and I laughed as you smeared it spreading it with a napkin.  
“UGH!” you groaned.  
I laughed again.

“You’re just adorable.” I teased.  
“shut up,” you groaned.  
“don’t give me that sass after you ruined my shirt.” I taunted.  
you rolled your eyes dabbing the napkin against it.  
I smiled and you drank more of your milkshake.

“MMm” you smiled.  
I laughed.  
“Is it good?” I asked.  
“yeah, babe try it.” I felt my guts churn at the word.  
“Dan, keep it down.” I snapped.

You sighed.  
“I’m sorry.. we just can’t risk anything okay?” I smiled.  
“I understand,” you nodded.  
I put my straw in your shake and sipped it, it was good.

Thats when I got the idea.  
“Do you have a pen?” I asked.  
“Do I look like I have a pen?” you laughed.

“you’re such an ass.”   
A waitress with blonde hair in roller-skates was near us, I turned over and asked.  
“Do you have a pen?” I asked.  
She nodded and pulled it out of her shirt pocket.  
I smiled.

I pulled out a napkin from the dispenser.  
‘Hi’  
and passed it over to you, you smiled and wrote back.  
‘Hello’  
‘How are you, beautiful?’ I wrote folding it and passing it back.  
‘amazing, how are you baby?” I blushed.  
‘I’m great’ I drew a smiley face.  
you opened up the napkin and smiled.  
you quickly wrote back but held onto it nervously. I looked at you confused, you passed it back and put your head in your hands.  
‘I want to be home right now, so you can hold me.’  
‘we’re about to go home <3’ I wrote   
you smiled, my cheeks were warm.

After you finished your shake and I finished my food, we went home. I folded those napkins and kept them.  
We wrote on paper napkins every time we ate somewhere, I made sure at all costs that somehow i’d be able to express my love for you.


End file.
